Hey guys, what the fuck's going on. I made another TJ Maxx rant for you because I love you and I was procrastinating on some work.
I am a CSC and I spend 94.57% of my time at the service desk and I answer the phone about 76,223,234 times a day. I find that the conversations I have can be sorted into several categories.
*I AM SEEKING RANDOM INFORMATION*
"Hi I'm just calling to see what time you are open till?"
It is my understanding that some stores have an answering machine that provides the caller with the stores times or the option to be forwarded to an associate. WHY DOESN'T MY STORE HAVE THAT? I guess it's just to spite me. I don't know what I'll do if I have to answer the phone on a Sunday and tell my nine-billionth customer that we're open until 8 on Sundays. I'll probably end up fashioning a noose out of over-priced women's scarfs and hanging myself in a fitting room stall. My suicide note will simply read 'SUNDAY HOURS: 11 AM TO 8 PM' over and over again written in my own blood.
"Hi I need the number to another TJ Maxx store"
This is something I will probably never understand. There is nothing that I can learn in high school, college, or grad school, shit I could even have a Ph.D in psychology yet I will never understand why someone would call one TJ Maxx store for the number of ANOTHER TJ MAXX STORE. How hard is it, to get a phone book, get on the internet, or call the operator or 411. How hard is it to CUT OUT THE MIDDLE MAN, which 9 times out 7 is me. Anytime a customer is seeking the number for another store, I am always helping a customer. There are so many things I can do with my time at the service desk other than getting a phone number for you, like closing my head in the register or thinking of crazy things to write in the 'I work at TJ Maxx' facebook group.
"Where are you located?/I need directions"
You think with all the great advances in technology in the past 200 years people would be able to navigate themselves from place to place via a map, GPS, compass, anything. When technology fails, I become the person who is responsible for getting a random person to our store, probably so they can return some shit from October 2006. Only before I pretty much give a complete travel synopsis, complete with mileage and turn by turn directions is a customer satisfied. Pretty soon my directions will be:
"Yeah, we're off of Exit 9 and Three-Quarters. It's a secret exit that you can only go through if you believe it is there. You just need to drive your car off the bridge and into the river, and you will appear in front of the store. Just make sure that the windows are rolled up and the doors are locked"
Sometimes I get customers that are somehow able to surpass their peers and ask even stupider and irrelevant questions on the phone.
'Thank you for calling TJ Maxx in Franklin, how may I help you?'
''Do you have any restaurants around?'
'We have a McDonalds and a Papa Gino's'
''You don't have anything like a T.G.I. Fridays?'
'We have a Subway'
It wasn't until I was talking about Subway before I realized that this convo, if you will, had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH TJ MAXX. I got kind of excited because we were talking about food and I was hungry, then I realized it wasn't my job to tell people about restaurants.
*I AM LOOKING FOR A PARTICULAR ITEM*
"Hi, I'm looking for a blouse, it's red and it has buttons and it's $14.99 and...."
Hey, I don't know if you know this or not, but I'm standing at the service desk. I'm not allowed to go look for this shirt for you, as I am too busy returning old and used merchandise. And you know all that information that you just gave me? I didn't retain a single thing. Now you get to be on hold. Maybe someone that actually gives a shit will pick up and find your blouse.
This isn't really something I should get mad about, but it's about a 50/50 split between these customers and customers that ask 'Yes I'd like to speak to someone in (insert dept. here). Those people know what the fuck's up. I think those people just call to tease me with the notion that there are intellectual people calling up and looking for clothes that they're just eventually going to return. That's what you get when you have faith in humanity.
Then somehow I can manage to get a person on the phone that asks the vaguest, most incomprehensible questions ever. "Yeah do you guys have shirts there?" Uhhh...yeah we do, do you have a real question that isn't going to cause me to bleed from my ears? "Ummmmm....let me call back"
*I HAVE A COMPLAINT*
When someone has a problem with the merchandise purchased from the store, there is only one thing that a person can do. Call the store and bitch out whoever answers the phone. 90% of the time I take care of this solution by putting the angry bitch on hold and putting them through to the manager. I don't know exactly what happens after that, whether the problem is resolved or is simply made worse, it's just something I'll never know.
But there is one time that I had a conversation with a customer who wanted to talk about a particular item. This conversation actually happened. And every time I look back on this conversation I can only mourn the phone minutes that were wasted and that could have been saved and added to some family's rollover plan.
It was a Saturday afternoon. I answered the phone and the customer told me that she was just in the store a few hours ago and that she purchased a Tinkerbell play set for her granddaughter. She told me that she brought the box home and she opened it to make sure all the stuff was in it. She proceeded to tell me what was in the play set.
Apparently, in this particular Tinkerbell playset, there were coloring books, markers, stickers, story books, and magentic scenes and magnets of Tinkerbell and all her friends. And apparently there was a problem with the magnets.
The Tinkerbell magnets would not stick to anything. She was trying with all her might to get the magnets to work. She even had her husband get up and try sticking them on the fridge. All I could hear on the phone was 'DO THEY STICK ON THE FRIDGE?' followed by "NO THEY DON'T STICK ON THE DAMN FRIDGE."
Then she told me for the 3rd time that the magnets didn't work. Then she told about everything in the playset again. The coloring books, markers, stickers, story books, and magentic scenes and magnets of Tinkerbell and all her friends, just in case I didn't hear it the first time.
Before she could say anything else I quickly said "Look if there is a problem with the merchandise and you want to return it just bring the receipt and the package with all of the stuff in in with the sales ticket to the store and I can refund you"
It was like I didn't even say anything. The woman proceeded to tell me the story of how she was buying it for her granddaughter so she could play with it when she visited. She told me about the Tinkerbell coloring books, and the magnetic scenes in great detail. Then finally she said "I'm just upset that I bought this play set and the magnets don't work. I'm just upset that I can't go on adventures with Tinkerbell and all of her friends" This woman was serious buisness, and she said that in the most serious tone I have ever heard anyone talk about Tinkerbell, ever.
She was upset. I, unfortunately, did not understand the severity of the situation and I started laughing. I put the phone done on the counter because I was laughing so hard. Keeping in mind that as this phone conversation was happening, I took 3 customers with returns through my line. I picked up the phone again. The woman was still going on about this goddamned broken Tinkerbell playset.
I told again that she could return it if she brought her receipt. She told me that she knew she could return it, but that she wasn't going to return it. She just wanted me to know her plight, that she was upset that the Tinkerbell playset didn't work. She hung up. She just wanted to waste 10 minutes of my life. I probably over-charged a customer or gave a customer too much change back and someone walked out of the store with a bunch of stolen merchandise because I was trying to listen to a customer complain while ringing.
That phone call has forever changed my life in that 10 minute session where I became someone's fucking vent for her Tinkerbell issues. Whenever the service desk phone rings now I cringe and I have to take pills to stop myself from screaming hysterically. THEY CALL MY PHONE LIKE
DA
DA
DA DA DA DA DA DA DA
DA DA DA DA DA DA
SIX SEVEN EIGHT TRIPLE NINE EIGHT TWO ONE TWO
KISS ME THRU THE PHONE
FFFFFFFF
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