Sometimes I feel like I live in Grand Central Station

Whatever the fuck that means

It's been awhile since the last post. I blame twitter. Although sometimes I feel the need to expand upon my thoughts rather than trying to fit it in 140 characters. I'm not feeling video games right now. Modern Warfare 2 has desensitized my brain and I have to wait for New Super Mario Bros and Left 4 Dead 2 so I'm pretty pissed. So let's talk about music.

We're going to talk about more music than MTV plays music on TV. By the way I still haven't recovered from the VMAs. Kanye West interrupting people is still hilarious to me, and the fact that Beyonce's video didn't win best female performance, but was voted the overall video of the year, bothers me. If it's the best music video of the year, shouldn't it, by default, win every other category it is nominated for? It's like Madden winning game of the year, but not winning the award for best sports game. (I swear to god this has happened before, like in the Spike Video Game Awards or something)

ANYWAYS, now that I completely lost my train of thought, I'm going to tell you which albums of 2009 I thought were the best. But before you continue on, I will just let you know, most of the stuff I listen to is pretty mainstream for the most part, so you might not see a CD that I didn't listen to, or something that I did listen to and you may think that it was terrible. (No one actually reads this blog so wtf am I talking about, I'm very insecure about my music not being good okay?) I apologize in advance for anything music that I missed or enjoyed.

Jay-Z - Blueprint III

If you came from my time and place, meaning you are white, from the suburbs, and claim you enjoy hip-hop/rap; the first CD you probably ever listened to was the Jay-Z/Linkin Park Collision Course mashup, and there was probably one point in your life when you listened to Numb/Encore and you sung it out loud and you were like 'OH MY GOD, THIS SONG IS ABOUT MY LIFE', and then proceeded to listen to Breaking Benjamin, Korn, Slipknot and the like. Okay maybe you didn't do all of that. If you were luckier, God smiled upon you and you got a Beastie Boys record instead and hopefully progressed onwards to Rage Against the Machine and the like. Anyways, I think this CD is decent, and is more hip-hop than a lot of the shit that's out there right now AND THERE'S NO TRACK WITH LIL WAYNE, THANK FUCKING GOD, but I suppose sampling Forever Young is just about lame as Lil Wayne playing a guitar. This CD also suffers from that chronic disease where the singles are used and played everywhere, radio, TV, and movies already. What the fuck

Recommended tracks:
Already Home (ft. Kid Cudi)
Hate (ft. Kanye West)
Every other single that you've heard on the radio 700,000 times

Kid Cudi - Man on the Moon: The End of Day

Before I start rambling on, I know it's supposed to be like kId cUdi or some shit but I refuse to type like that, and let it be known that Day n' Nite is the worst song ever in the history of music. Fuck it all to shit. The CD isn't that bad though. Kid Cudi was an artist discovered by Kanye West, and since I'm liable to hop on anything that Kanye West does (I bought his shoes for fuck's sakes) I gave this CD a listen despite my raw hatred for Day n' Nite. This guy really likes to smoke weed, alot, he mentions it in pretty much every single song, and sometimes there is a intermission in between tracks talking about spacemen and demons or some shit but other than that the beats are solid and so is the verse writing for the most part. Also, I will never be able to play Majora's Mask or look at the album art the same way again
DAWN OF THE FINAL DAY: 24 HOURS REMAIN. OH SHI-

Recommended tracks:
Sky Might Fall
Pursuit of Happiness
CuDi Zone
Heart of a Lion
Make Her Say (Ft. Common and Kanye West)


The Dead Weather - Horehound

The Dead Weather is a supergroup. For those of you that don't know what a supergroup is, (tl;dr version) it's a band made up of members/superstars of another band that get together and make sweet, sweet, musical love. The first supergroup formed this year, Chickenfoot, didn't have a good CD (at least in my opinion). This group however, consists of Jack Motherfucking White, who I have now decided to worship as some sort of idol, except this time around he's playing the drums, and you know what, I'm somewhat okay with this. Also, there is the guitarist from Queens of the Stone Age, the bassist from The Raconteurs, and some chick that I have never heard of before. I automatically 'bought' the CD and listened to it just because it was from/by Jack White. I was expected White Stripes meets QotSa (jizzed in my pants typing/thinking that), but I was mistaken for the most part. It's still garage rock, but it's slower, there's a chick singing, all with sexual-sounding track names. I say fuck that. I wish Jack White would just release another White Stripes record that sounds like White Blood Cells or Icky Thump. I think he's given up on White Stripes because every one criticizes Meg for being a shitty drummer, so he's playing drums so he doesn't feel like he's been held back by some stupid woman playing the drums . STOP CRITICIZING MEG SO WE CAN GET A NEW GOOD RECORD PLEASE. SHE'S A FUCKING MINIMALIST/SIMPLISTIC DRUMMER

Recommended tracks:
No Hassle Night
Treat Me Like Your Mother
I Cut Like a Buffalo

Street Sweeper Social Club - Street Sweeper Social Club

Ever since Rage Against the Machine disbanded in 2000, there's an icebox where my heart used to be. Tom Morello went onto Audioslave and had to deal with Chris Cornell and his douchebaggery but they managed to squeeze some out good tracks, as well as massacring Rush's Working Man. Then he went and did some weird fucking metal-folk-acoustic bullshit. Then he made Street Sweeper Social Club, and while I don't know what a Boots Riley is, he manages to do his best Zack impression and we go on a rifftastic voyage and try to recapture our fond memories of RATM. And it really works for the most part, at least for me. Critics pretty much dumped all over this CD. The marching drum beats and power chords in 100 Little Curses get me hard every time I listen to it, all the way until I climax at the solo. And the intro to Megablast makes me want to get up and punch shit. The only thing that sounds different from the traditional RATM sound is Promenade, which is a self-described 'square-dance rap'

Recommended tracks:
100 Little Curses
Megablast
Good Morning Mrs. Smith
The Oath
Promenade

Wolfmother - Cosmic Egg

Wolfmother is more commonly known as Joker & The Thief based on the retarded amount of attention and usage of the song. The album is more of the same that we expected from Wolfmother, a rock band reminiscent of Zeppelin/Cream/Hendrix but also mixed with a tinge of White Stripes/Jet (The lead singer sounds a lot like Jack White sometimes). The album is more solid effort than their first album even though they don't have a hit single like Joker & the Thief. A good album to listen to if you long for the days of good music.

Recommended tracks:
Sundial
New Moon Rising
In the Castle
Back Round

Muse - The Resistance

Also known as the most over-rated album of all-time. Everyone else loves it and sucks its dick, but the amount of piano-ballad-ness, pseudo-Radiohead-ness and the incredibly long and drawn out Exogenesis: Symphony makes me upset to the point where I have to make up my own hyphenated words to describe it. I like Muse better when they have tracks like Knights of Cydonia, Assassin, even Plug In Baby/Starlight. Muse likes to tease and trick me on every album that I listen to by having a handful of songs I like then throwing some random bullshit in to fill the CD. If only every track they made was like their cover of House of the Rising Sun.

Recommended tracks:
Uprising
Unnatural Selection
Resistance

Them Crooked Vultures - Them Crooked Vultures

It's fucking Josh Homme moaning over his ridiculous guitar riffs, John Paul Jones playing bass and keyboards pretty much at the same time and not giving a fuck about it, and Dave Grohl pounding the shit out of the drums like he's trying to resurrect Kurt Cobain from the dead. Unlike The Dead Weather, which was supposed to be White Stripes/Queens of the Stone Age, this is supposed to be Queens of the Stone Age/Zeppelin/Nirvana, and it actually lives up to the standard. On pretty much every track, I was like this song is pretty fucking amazing, and then it would change completely mid-song and I would be like OH MY GOD YES IT SOMEHOW GOT EVEN BETTER. (see: No One Loves Me, Scumbag Blues) I've been listening to the CD since I got leaked 4 weeks ago, and bought the actual CD (the first for me in about 4-5 years). I've never done that with any record except Sgt. Pepper.

Recommended Tracks:
No One Loves Me & Neither Do I
Mind Eraser, No Chaser
New Fang
Dead End Friends
Elephants
Scumbag Blues
Bandoliers
Reptiles
Interlude With Ludes
Warsaw Or The First Breath You Take After You Take After You Give Up
Caligulove
Gunman
Spinning in Daffodils

I PUT THE WHOLE TRACK LIST BECAUSE IT'S JUST THAT GOOD. I'M GODDAMN SHOUTING LIKE THE LATE BILLY MAYS

There are a couple of albums, singles that I enjoyed this year but they're not worth writing about. Here's a short list:

• Billy Talent - Billy Talent III (album)
• Paramore - Ignorance (single)
• Chevelle - Jars (single)
• The Fall of Troy - Straight Jacket Keelhauled
• The entire Brutal Legend soundtrack (Cry of the Banshee - Brocas Helm, SO MUCH WIN)
• The Inglourious Basterds soundtrack (David Bowie? hell yeah)
• The entire DJ Hero soundtrack (Daft Punk's Robot Rock vs. Gary Numan's Cars? HOLY FUCK I'M CROSSFADING LIKE THE MOTHERFUCKING FIST OF THE NORTH STAR)

I thought about adding a section for Lady GaGa's The Fame Monster, but the other day I had a sudden realization to why I listen to her. I usually end up listening to her when I am lonely and have the need to...you know...do sexual things.... Then hours later when Bad Romance comes up on shuffle mode I'm like 'What the fuck is this noise, I actually listened to this shit, what the fuck.' I guess it's that weird phenomenon where men listen to weird music because they want to bang the singer. I can safely say that this is the case with Lady GaGa, even though she kind of has a fucked up face from the front. She can dance around and gyrate and hump things all she wants, and I will not have a problem, but as soon as she opens her mouth and spouts some shit about homosexuals and fame and being a celebrity I go from 0 to flaccid in -2 seconds. She pretty much loses all of her credibility and just reminds me of those girls that you went to school with and were like 'LOOK HOW DIFFERENT I AM, I LIKE BOYS AND GIRLS AND I DRESS DIFFERENTLY, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND BECAUSE YOUR DAD DIDN'T MOLEST YOU" This also probably qualifies as 'sharing too much information' on a blog, but I just sit back and DGAF. I'm like the Howard Stern of bloggers.

Oh god I would do unmentionable things to her hair in that picture. Them Crooked Vultures is the CD of the year by far, I don't need any fucking ass-backwards dick-in-mouth retarded MTV awards show to tell me that Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga are better. Anyways, my opinion is null and void anyways because if we're talking about every album release this year (including greatest hits and re-releases) the gold fucking medal goes to the ENTIRE Beatles catalog being re-released. If it was even just Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, everyone would lose by default. But we're talking about every album. I mean how can you compete with such songs like:

• Mary in the Air with Sapphires
• Orange Aircraftcarrier
  
• Cranberry Bogs Eternal
• Cephalopod's Terrace
• Ricky Racoon
• Ceramic Radish
• Cpl. Salt's Outcast Lungs Group Orchestra Redux
• Swedish Lumber (The UAV is Airborne)
  

Fuck, my soul hurts just from trying to think up of inverse Beatles song titles. I think I had an aneuryism after Ceramic Radish. I think I'm done. Her Majesty's a pretty cool guy but eh doesn't have a lot to say.

Okay now I'm done.

Also, I'm trying this whole tagging thing so maybe my site will show up on Google. And when it does I might have to put a content warning on the site because of my tendency to type fuck, shit, and clitoris.