Also, now that I've been on Twitter, I've finally realized how much every little thing people do on Facebook ANNOYS THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF ME, HOLY SHIT.
The one thing that probably bothers me the most is the status updates on Facebook. 97% of the Facebook statuses I read belong on Twitter. There is no need to fucking tell everyone what the fuck you are doing today on Facebook, especially when you do the same fucking thing everyday. If you go to school, we don't need to know that you're going to fucking high school or your college class EVERY SINGLE SHIT EATING DAY. I find that this newest class of college freshmen are the ones that do this the most. It's only the fucking first week of classes for most schools and I've already blocked 9 goddamn fucking people from my news feed. I'm not here to read what classes you're going to right now, I'm here to lurk the fuck out of everyone's pictures and information and send absurd comments and pictures to my friends and girlfriend. I mean I was a fucking hermit for the one year I stayed in a dorm on a college campus and I didn't update my Facebook status about what classes I was in. NOT EVEN ONCE. Now I'm a hermit that commutes to school, and I still haven't ever put my daily schedule as a Facebook status, I've pretty much neglected Facebook statuses just because of Twitter (scratch that, that's a fucking lie)
The same thing goes for your job. If you work a shitty job, no one wants to know that you're working your shitty job EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. DAY AND NIGHT. GUESS WHAT? When you get out of school, you're going to work. Every single day. GET USED TO IT. How fucking sad is your life if you need to tell people over the internet that you're working everyday. I would probably kill myself. Even if I put that I was going to kill myself as my Facebook status, someone would probably come and like my status just for the shit of it. HAHA THAT STATUS IS FUNNY, I CAN RELATE TO THAT. I LIKE THIS. The only thing that makes me madder than liking statuses is that there is always ONE FUCKING PERSON that says we 'need a dislike' button. HAHAHA YOU'RE SO FUCKING FUNNY, YOU'RE SO WITTY AND ORIGINAL. YOU'RE LIKE THE FUCKING GEORGE CARLIN OF FACEBOOK, EXCUSE WHILE I FIST MY OWN ASSHOLE BECAUSE I CANNOT COME UP WITH AS MANY REVOLUTIONARY AND GROUND-BREAKING JOKES AS YOU CAN.
Goddamn.
One other Facebook trend you may all be familiar with is when someone takes a random picture with an assortment of characters with different names and titles like 'the sassy one', 'the dyslexic one', 'the shitty one,' etc. and tags the friend or person that matches the description best. Now I've only been tagged in two of them and I'm sure as hell not jealous of being tagged, but I don't like logging into Facebook and seeing about 9 of 10 different these pictures lined up in a row. I MEAN COME ON, I NEED TO KNOW PEOPLE'S WORK AND SCHOOL SCHEDULES FACEBOOK, GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT. I've seen so many different ones, I want to make my own, or rather, just take a pre-existing one, edit out all the characters, and just paste pictures of dicks, like, a man dick, and tag everyone that has ever posted a picture like that and inconvenienced 30 seconds of my life. Then again, if I did that, I'd probably get like 7 likes and one person commenting say 'I dislike this, there should be a dislike button.'
One of the best, and by best I mean the most retarded features of facebook, is the option to become 'fans' of something. And I don't mean fans like oscillating towers, I mean fans like devoted followers (unintentionally made a verse for a future SouljaBoyTellEm song, holy shit). And not only do you have the option to become a fan, you also have the option to make a fan page for something as well. So that means that any person can make a fan page of anything they want. In my opinion, this is too much responsibility and creative freedom for some people.
A normal Facebook user will become a fan of a person, company, band, or TV show. I mean, I can understand that sort of, you want people to know what your favorite things are. You could have typed them in the fucking interests/movies/TV shows/books/ field that you got when you fucking made a Facebook, just a suggestion, but still, I can be understanding if you're a fan of a celebrity, company, product or whatever. But I have notice that people have become fans of extremely general, vague, activities and ideas.
You can't be a fan of 'that's what she said' don't fucking kid yourself. The whole point of 'that's what she said' is to annoy the fuck out of everyone who says ANYTHING that could resemble sexual innuendo. I can only assume that there is a fan page for adding 'your mom' to the end of every sentence as well.
There is no fucking legitimate reason for you become a fan of sleeping, or eating. These are life processes that you need to every day in order to survive. I bet you if I look, you can find a fan page for breathing' on Facebook, and I can guaranteed you that there's almost 100,000 fans (it's ok, I checked) Speaking of life processes, there is NO FUCKING REASON FOR YOU TO BE A FAN OF HAVING SEX, MORNING SEX, CONSENSUAL SEX, STATUTORY RAPE,THERE IS NO REASON, THERE IS NO EXCUSE.
No one wants know if you're having sex, unless you're a bro. I am not Broseidon, God of the Brocean, I am humble, and I know that people do not want to entertain the idea of me having sex AND I FUCKING KNOW, THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT I KNOW ON FACEBOOK, THAT I NEVER WANT TO SEE NAKED, EVER, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
The only thing worse than people becoming fans of processes and bodily functions is being a fan of things that don't even make sense. I've seen people become fans of 'I Heart Music' and 'I Can't Live my life without music.' What the fuck does that mean? (Insert Name Here is a fan of 'I Can't live my life without Music.' If you put that into Microsoft Word, spell check is just going to put a giant fucking green line under that sentence for poor grammar, and God will turn his back on you for being a fan of some sort of ideal. I don't even know what your thought process is if you're doing shit like this, how the fuck do you go about doing that and not feeling bad or stupid? These are things I would like to become a fan of in the future:
- Kim Kardashian's ass
- Kanye West interrupting people
- Anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to look more like?
- Michael Jackson is Dead
- Going to the bathroom in a handicapped stall to inconvenience handicapped people
- Using the word 'inconvenience' as a verb
- tYpInG lIkE tHiS sErIoUsLy wHAt ThE fuCk iS ThIs sHiT
- Also Typing Like This By Capitalizing Every First Letter
- Words of RG (http://wordsofrg.blogspot.com)
I only have two complaints about twitter
The first complaint I have with twitter is the ridiculous amount of spam found in the trending topics. I might see a topic that interests me, like Good Old NES Games. And then I go to read the posts and every other post is
No1Stunnerrrr I JUST GOT MY FREE SUPPLY OF DIAPERS GIFT CARDS http://clickthislinkrecieveadware.com Good Old NES Games #H1n1 #ODST
What the fuck did I just read? Shit if I know. Shit fuck shit fuck it's pretty much in every sentence I type.
The second complaint is the fact that random people will follow you based on your posting. When I joined people, I decided that I would follow people I know, and celebrities and companies giving out free shit. I don't know what kind of people would want to follow me, but sure enough I have 6 or 7 people I'll probably never meet in real life following me. It makes me feel creepy anytime I think random people I don't know are reading what I am writing. I also get creeped out at the fact that there may people other people that act and think like me.
Sometimes I think people start following me based on random words that I typed. For example I typed:
I logged in a few hours later and I had some sort of vinyl record company following me. A few hours after that they weren't following anymore.RG_Prime We live in the year 2009, Who the fuck is still encoding music @ 120 kbps. might as well take a vinyl record and spin it on my fucking dick
I usually like to break up huge posts like this with pictures that are relevant. I didn't have any for this one, unless you want a giant grid with penises on it. Use your imagination. Also, on another note, typing a less than symbol followed by a 3 to make a heart really fucks up the HTML format on this system, as does pasting from Microsoft Word apparently, holy balls
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