I'm kind of stuck on how to get followers without spamming the shit of random people, because UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE, I have the common courtesy to not just talk about myself all the time and promote shit and products on twitter. I mean, that's what personal websites and blogs are for, right? I want to have a group of random people with similar opinions and laugh at the same stupid shit that I do.
Anyways, here's a small series of segments that were really hard to write transitions for:
Notable Events and Developments in My Life Since I Joined Twitter
-Obtained 7 cavities then got 7 cavities filled
-Got suspended from school, again?
-Vacationed in FL, twice
-By a technicality, lost my job, then, technically, got a new one
-Discovered an unquenchable thirst for Samuel Adams or cheap tequila mixed with Mt. Dew
-Realized that facebook should only be used as a litmus test to discover who the real retards are in the small group of people that I have known or met in my short time on Earth.
Pointless Twitter Stats for RG_Prime (as of 8/10/2010)
-14 followers (fluctuates around this area but hasn't gotten over 17, yet)
-26 following (fluctuates depending how much stupid shit/spam/ads you post)-174 tweets w/ pictures (from Twitpic, yfrog eat my dick)
-9 of RG's tweets that have been retweeted by other users-22 tweets pertaining to #musicmonday or #nowplaying (I have slowly grown out of that phase)
-0% progress made on trying to figure out what the fuck a twitter list is************************************************************************
Here's an unofficial list of Twitter etiquette that is frowned upon. Seriously, this shit has the potential to ruin twitter for everyone, then we'll have another Facebook where everyone is just shitting in everyone's mouth all the time.
1.)#makingreallylongridiculoushashtagsseriouslythatshitisannoyingandyourenotfunnysmartorinventivegofuckyourself
Seriously, when they invented cuneiform writing they even had spaces so it would be easier to read, and your hash tag isn't going to catch on and trend unless you live in the projects and everyone there is posting at the same time.
2.)Connecting your twitter account with your facebook account. If you have enough time to maintain two accounts, you should have enough time and brainpower to think of 2 different statuses.
3.)Posting tweets from your phone is fine, getting mobile updates to your phone is terrible, and knowing that someone is getting your tweets on their phone is creppy, stop making me feel conscientious.
4.)Tweeting anything about Justin Beiber, Jonas, Miley, Selena, Demi, Adam Lambert, Your account should be de-activated as soon as those words are submitted. It's okay to like the music or artist or whatever, it's not alright to shit up twitter for the other millions of users that have to ability to think for themselves
5.)Don't ever refer to the Soldier as 'solly', because you look like a fucking idiot. Solly has the same amount of syllables as 'soldier', so it's not an abbreviation. It's not a term of endearment. The soldier is fucking deranged and he would fucking do unspeakable things to you if you ever referred to him as 'solly' in real life. Unless it's a farm
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Here's a collection of my favorite tweets over the past year. Keep in mind that these are all of my own tweets, because the majority of people that I follow aren't as hilarious as I am but I still love most of them anyways. It might be egotistical, but at least I'm not @kanyewest. I was following him for exactly 15 minutes until I was like 'Fuck it, I'm done". I was waiting for something along the lines of
kanyewest just ate mad TacoBell and I have to shit #ITSAPROCESS
I'm posting that to my twitter right now. If I get a RT or a follow or anything out of the ordinary I might shit my pants. Now here's my choice tweets with some commentary. You might find a gem you didn't see before.
'Watching 50 First Dates and Dan Ackroyd just claimed that he had the largest penis of any land mammal. Undisputable fact?'Pretty much true talk true story right there. When I was younger I would commonly get Dan Ackroyd and Bill Murray, along with all of the actors from Ghostbusters confused, including the black guy and Rick Moranis.
'I don't trade-in books. Waiting for a Fahrenheit 451 alternate universe where all books are burned. Better than getting $40 for a $120 book'This was that one time I tried to demonstrate that I have range and that I sometimes know things other than shitty music, sports and videogames buy throwing out a reference to one of the only works of literature I have read in my own free time without it being assigned to me. Anyone who has ever purchased and tried to re-sell a book on a college campus would rather be persecuted and had all their personal belongs burned.
'I still don't understand 'vocal ejaculations'. Does that mean they happen when you don't want them to? Oh god I'm so fucked for this midterm'So far in my lifetime I have taken a college course entitled 'World Music Cultures' twice. So when I fucked up and had to take a 2nd time I tried to pay better attention then I did before, but the high school freshmen that's still trapped inside of me thought that the use of the word 'ejaculations' was still hilarious when taken out of sexual context. I still got a B on the midterm the 2nd time around though.
'I wish that the ending of 'Piggies' would play whenever I climaxed'Have you ever listened to Piggies? I would hope so. Shit's fucking majestic, dawg.
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