It's that time again, and it's been long overdue I guess. I mean, you missed me for a couple of weeks right? You need me, like I need you. I need you to listen to me telling you what music I think is good and bad because I require attention, sort of like your girlfriend, but with a penis.
You need me to, um, you need to read my blog and twitter posts for sustenance or some shit.
Anyways, I went all out on this post to make up for like 2 months of no large blog updates. 2 somewhat legitimate album reviews, and a super ragetastic rant thrown in at the end.
I'm looking forward to only two albums that are confirmed coming out this year. Check the Wikipedia list for Upcoming Albums in 2010, and you'll see that pretty much every fucking band in the world has an album coming out in 2010. I read it and I was like "Holy shit I didn't know The Beatles were coming out with a new record this year"
*The Dead Weather - Sea of Cowards - Promises to be more bluesier and heavier than the previous album, which gets me really excited, but the first single didn't really deliver. Still will download it because Jack White told me to. Good thing no one actually pays for music anymore
*Beastie Boys - Hot Sauce Committee Vol 1 -It's the fucking Beastie Boys. They're like 50 years old now, and need to make up for that fucking instrumental album they released a few years back. If you can name a song off Paul's Boutique then you are automatically qualified to enjoy this album
There's supposed to be like 3 Kid Cudi records coming out, but no confirmed date, which is a shame because I really like him as an artist. So much that I was able to forgive him for Day N Nite.
The only thing he has going against him is that all the fuckface people that I'm still friends with on facebook constantly put lyrics from his songs as their statuses. I swear to god, if I see
"I got 99 problems, and they all bitches, wish I was Jigga man, carefree livin'"
"This is the soundtrack 2 my life"
"IMMINA PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS AND I KNOW EVERYTHING THAT SHINE AINT GONNA BE GOLD. I'LL BE GOOD ONCE I GET IT"
As a status one more time I'm going to shit my pants. No one fucking cares if you're having girl problems. That's what girls do, they complain and cause problems. If you have a girl and she's not causing problems, then you need to check to see if she has a penis or is on a severe amount of pharmaceutical drugs. I don't fucking give a shit if you listened to this song once and now all of a sudden you're like "OH MY GOD, THIS SONG IS ABOUT ME" and you need to let everyone know. Doing shit like that makes you no better than the fucking 12-15 year old girls that constantly spam Twitter with Justin Bieber shit.
Here's the only two albums I've been able to enjoy this year so far. The White Stripes' Under Great Northern Lights doesn't count because it's just a live concert album, but I recommend that to if you enjoy the garage band influence because every thing is so fucking dirty and distorted, but at the same time so good.
Gorillaz - Plastic BeachI know I'm recycling tweets here, but when I first heard the Gorillaz self-titled, I was like, yeah, this is pretty good. Then Demon Days came out, and in my opinion, and all WINDMILL WINDMILL FOR THE LAND aside, it was a fucking masterpiece. Even when a track comes on in shuffle mode, even if it's the goddamn instrumental intro, I always listen to it and enjoy it.
Then Plastic Beach rolls around with a decent amount of hype, and then the first real track includes a collaboration with Snoop Dogg, and then I was disappointed. And then the album rest of the album consists of dance club tracks with the occasional traditional Gorillaz vocals between fucking rappers pretty much just having a conversation as opposed to writing rhymes. Like, seriously, what is the excuse for a verse like "You dine like rabbits/With the crunchy crunchy carrots/Oh, that's chicken". Some of the tracks are okay. There is nothing really mind blowing like in Gorillaz or Demon Days. I'll let this one slide because I think this album was supposed to be a concept album or something. Yeah, that's what I'll keep telling myself...
RG Recommended Tracks:
-Rhinestone Eyes
-Stylo
-Glitter Freeze
-Superfast Jellyfish
Flobots - Survival StoryI think I'm the only person in the entire state of Massachusetts, no maybe the entire region of New England that enjoys most of the work that Flobots puts out. basically the only requirement to reaching the level I have reached is knowing a song other than 'I can ride my bike with no handlebars'. They're like the hipster-version of Rage Against of the Machine with the overly political lyrics but with more violas and white people as opposed fucking Tom Morello banging on his guitar with an Allen wrench and:
ALL OF WHICH ARE AMERICAN DREAMS
ALL OF WHICH ARE AMERICAN DREAMS
ALL OF WHICH ARE AMERICAN DREAMS
ALL OF WHICH ARE AMERICAN DREAMS
ALL OF WHICH ARE AMERICAN DREAMS
The major catch of this band is that a more instrumental focus than most hip-hop groups. The first mainstream Flobots record was more hip-hop centered that almost lost me with all of its talk of legalizing weed and free will and current events, but there were a few gems thrown in there (Mayday!!, Rise, We Are Winning) that kept interested enough.
For the second album, it seems they decided to go with more emotional lyrics (but still sticking to political/social issues as well) and the choice to go with a more viola/guitar riff-centered beats as opposed to the traditional drum 'n bass(that fucking viola man, that fucking viola) makes it a better overall album. The best track on this album, and many other professional reviewers agree, is 'Defend Atlantis'. While the idea of 'The United States = Atlantis" maybe be stupid to those apathetic to the current economic/political/social conditions that we live in, or unsettling to people like Fox News, but the overall composition, which switches back and forth between a flowing aquatic sound and fucking power chords to let you know that shit is going down under the sea right now.
RG Recommended Tracks:
-Defend Atlantis
-By The Time You Get This Message
-Cracks in the Surface
-White Flag Warrior (Ft. Tim McIlrath)
-They also have a cover/remake of The Turtles' 'Happy Together', which may make some music elitists cringe, but I for one enjoyed it for what it was. After all, it can't be worse than what I'm going to talk about later on in this post.
I'm not a professional reviewer, but I did read several reviews of this album to make sure I'm not copying anything and providing a somewhat different viewpoint. From a critical standpoint, it seems that most people are against rock mixed with hip-hop. Rage Against the Machine and Tool seem to be the standard, while Linkin Park and P.O.D are like the 'lol, retard poser' bands. While I'm in no way trying to defend P.O.D, every fucking teenager during the past decade listened to fucking Hybrid Theory and Meteora, albeit they were never really critically acclaimed. Hip-Hop/Rock is basically an acquired taste.
Unless you're one of those people that are like 'I'll listen to anything except rap and country', in which case you need to grow the fuck up, or kill yourself because your mangled iTunes library of misnamed songs and artists is a perfect representation of your brain and how it's incapable of forming logical thoughts. But I guess when you're in college, that's how it is. You're just consuming so many Keystone Lights and eating so many pot brownies that you don't even know what real music, opinions, or thoughts are. Your only concerns are not getting caught by your RA and trying to bang some slutty chick from some town you've never heard of, in the attempts to make her your bitch, but when she goes back to her hometown in the summer and then you guys meet up again next semester it's going to be like:
"You went home and fucked like 20 dudes? And you got Hepatitis? I'm not even mad, I'm actually impressed" And then you're both fucking in a dorm shower. And not the nice apartments that upperclassmen get, a fucking freshmen dorm shower that someone has already vomited in because they shotgunned 12 beers on fucking move-in day while listening to Eminem and Asher Roth on repeat for 4 hours. Then you guys get in a fight afterward because you have problems with saying "I love you" because you actually believe saying that means anything to anyone.
That's what you get when you think that Sam Adams and A Day to Remember are the future of music because the guy that your roommate buys pot from told you they were good. That's what you get when you're still holding on to your Blink-182 and Sublime records because you're afraid of growing up and facing the real world, or you're sad over some shitty break-up or the fact that that girl you've been stalking doesn't like you, or that you just want to smoke and drink, party and have a good time. Then once you've hit your late 20's/early 30's you've realized you've wasted a shitload of money and a shitload of time and never learned anything, never accomplished anything, you work a dead-end job as a manager/supervisor of a fucking restaurant/retail store near your hometown and you're still in a fuckload of debt from going to school for an extra 2 years because you were dicking around. And you got Hepatitis. And then you're dead.
I've come to realize that I'm a very angry person sometimes, that I'll say or type something like I just did and be like "Wow, fuck" but then laugh it off and turn on my DS and play Pokemon. I've already accepted that I will probably end up just like those people, but because I spent way too much time playing video games and browsing the internet for porn and blogging as opposed to doing schoolwork.
But the music thing is inexcusable. I mean, for me, it's okay if you like certain kinds of music. We all have our guilty pleasures, I know I listen to some bands that are weird or not critically acclaimed or whatever.
But when you try to have a conversation with me about music, and you tell me all those bands I just mentioned, and I say "I respectfully disagree, and this is why, these are the bands I like, and why" and then you're like "LOL THOSE BANDS ARE OLD, I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THEM, ADTR IS AWESOME" and then you never talk to me again because all of a sudden I'm that weird kid that doesn't like what you and your friends like and that therefore makes me a sociopath.
It's not like that's ever happened to me or anything. It's not like the story of my fucking life or anything.
It's that kind of ignorance and lack of disrespect for others' opinions, feelings and property that leads to shit like this.
For the second album, it seems they decided to go with more emotional lyrics (but still sticking to political/social issues as well) and the choice to go with a more viola/guitar riff-centered beats as opposed to the traditional drum 'n bass(that fucking viola man, that fucking viola) makes it a better overall album. The best track on this album, and many other professional reviewers agree, is 'Defend Atlantis'. While the idea of 'The United States = Atlantis" maybe be stupid to those apathetic to the current economic/political/social conditions that we live in, or unsettling to people like Fox News, but the overall composition, which switches back and forth between a flowing aquatic sound and fucking power chords to let you know that shit is going down under the sea right now.
RG Recommended Tracks:
-Defend Atlantis
-By The Time You Get This Message
-Cracks in the Surface
-White Flag Warrior (Ft. Tim McIlrath)
-They also have a cover/remake of The Turtles' 'Happy Together', which may make some music elitists cringe, but I for one enjoyed it for what it was. After all, it can't be worse than what I'm going to talk about later on in this post.
I'm not a professional reviewer, but I did read several reviews of this album to make sure I'm not copying anything and providing a somewhat different viewpoint. From a critical standpoint, it seems that most people are against rock mixed with hip-hop. Rage Against the Machine and Tool seem to be the standard, while Linkin Park and P.O.D are like the 'lol, retard poser' bands. While I'm in no way trying to defend P.O.D, every fucking teenager during the past decade listened to fucking Hybrid Theory and Meteora, albeit they were never really critically acclaimed. Hip-Hop/Rock is basically an acquired taste.
Unless you're one of those people that are like 'I'll listen to anything except rap and country', in which case you need to grow the fuck up, or kill yourself because your mangled iTunes library of misnamed songs and artists is a perfect representation of your brain and how it's incapable of forming logical thoughts. But I guess when you're in college, that's how it is. You're just consuming so many Keystone Lights and eating so many pot brownies that you don't even know what real music, opinions, or thoughts are. Your only concerns are not getting caught by your RA and trying to bang some slutty chick from some town you've never heard of, in the attempts to make her your bitch, but when she goes back to her hometown in the summer and then you guys meet up again next semester it's going to be like:
"You went home and fucked like 20 dudes? And you got Hepatitis? I'm not even mad, I'm actually impressed" And then you're both fucking in a dorm shower. And not the nice apartments that upperclassmen get, a fucking freshmen dorm shower that someone has already vomited in because they shotgunned 12 beers on fucking move-in day while listening to Eminem and Asher Roth on repeat for 4 hours. Then you guys get in a fight afterward because you have problems with saying "I love you" because you actually believe saying that means anything to anyone.
That's what you get when you think that Sam Adams and A Day to Remember are the future of music because the guy that your roommate buys pot from told you they were good. That's what you get when you're still holding on to your Blink-182 and Sublime records because you're afraid of growing up and facing the real world, or you're sad over some shitty break-up or the fact that that girl you've been stalking doesn't like you, or that you just want to smoke and drink, party and have a good time. Then once you've hit your late 20's/early 30's you've realized you've wasted a shitload of money and a shitload of time and never learned anything, never accomplished anything, you work a dead-end job as a manager/supervisor of a fucking restaurant/retail store near your hometown and you're still in a fuckload of debt from going to school for an extra 2 years because you were dicking around. And you got Hepatitis. And then you're dead.
I've come to realize that I'm a very angry person sometimes, that I'll say or type something like I just did and be like "Wow, fuck" but then laugh it off and turn on my DS and play Pokemon. I've already accepted that I will probably end up just like those people, but because I spent way too much time playing video games and browsing the internet for porn and blogging as opposed to doing schoolwork.
But the music thing is inexcusable. I mean, for me, it's okay if you like certain kinds of music. We all have our guilty pleasures, I know I listen to some bands that are weird or not critically acclaimed or whatever.
But when you try to have a conversation with me about music, and you tell me all those bands I just mentioned, and I say "I respectfully disagree, and this is why, these are the bands I like, and why" and then you're like "LOL THOSE BANDS ARE OLD, I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THEM, ADTR IS AWESOME" and then you never talk to me again because all of a sudden I'm that weird kid that doesn't like what you and your friends like and that therefore makes me a sociopath.
It's not like that's ever happened to me or anything. It's not like the story of my fucking life or anything.
It's that kind of ignorance and lack of disrespect for others' opinions, feelings and property that leads to shit like this.
I found the link to this on Ultimate-Guitar.com, which I assume was a clever plan to piss off every single user of that site. I would say mission accomplished
DEAR MARY J. BLIGE, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE. Pretty soon everyone in the fucking ghettos of Harlem or wherever the fuck they listen to Mary J. Blige are going to be like: "DAYUM, THIS TRACK IS BANGIN YO! MJ IS A GENIUS, NIGGAS ARE WILDIN" Then it will become a trend for Pop/Hip-Hop/RnB artists to cover classic tracks from the 60's and 70's
-Ke$ha covers White Room
-Rihanna covers The Sounds of Silence
-Beyonce covers Aqualung
-Mariah Carey covers Freebird
I don't know how long I can make this list before blogger logs itself off and says "I'm afraid I can't let you do that" I didn't include Lady GaGa on this list because, like Jack White I'm still liable to eat up whatever she shits out, except for the claim that she's celibate. She had to fuck at least 300 people to get 'Just Dance ft. Chris O'Donnell' on the radio because there's no way that "just dance/gonna be okay/just dance/derp a derp derp do/dance, dance, just dance" would ever be played at all on the radio. I'm just pissed that the Lady GaGa vocals are ridiculously hard on Rock Band 2. I fucking did Psycho Killer, with the French, yet I can't do this. There are apparently several fucking syllables that I'm not hearing. Fucking vocal ejaculations, that's what they are.
And if Lady GaGa had to fuck like 300 people then Ke$ha has to fuck at least 3 ugly dudes a day to be allowed to live.
And speaking of Ke$ha (flawless transitions are flawless) She was the musical guest on Saturday Night Live the other night, which doesn't do anything for the track record of Saturday Night Live since Will Ferrell left. There were some strong sketches, mostly featuring Andy Samberg. Then again, any sketch featuring references to "What Up With That? and the guy in the red sweatsuit dancing pretty much makes the episode an instant win.
But they ended the night with fucking Ke$ha dancing with glow in the dark paint and a mostly uninspired ICP spoof.
We don't need Saturday Night Live to laugh at the Insane Clown Posse or Juggalo culture. The music video that SNL was spoofing, is fucking ridiculous in it's own right that it does not require a parody or anything. You just need to show the clip of 'Fucking rainbows, after it rains" and it's enough for anyone that isn't a Juggalo to say "Hey guys, what the fuck's going on?" I would think that any normal person, upon hearing or seeing anything having to do with Juggalo culture, would instantly go in the other direction because they know that not even the hand of God can save them, especially if they're out of high school and still a devoted ICP follower.
I think that this video is an attempt at self-sabotage. If there are actual people that view this video or listen to the song and are like "Man, fuck magnets, how do they work? It's gotta be some sort of miracle" then they need to be killed. It's as simple as that. I can't even write a fucking long retarded story like I wrote for college kids. It's the biggest fucking joke in the history of the world.
Just remember
JUGGALOS NEVER DIE ALONE.
(because it usually ends in group suicide like some cult shit)
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