RG <3's 360 (Pt. 1)

So here I am, doing everything I can, holding on to what I am, pretending I'm a superman. Now that you've read that last sentence and you suddenly feel compelled to play Tony Hawk's Pro Skater.

And if you don't, then you're probably a lot better off in life than I am. Because you know why? You don't play as many videogames as I do. Now that I have a 360, I have become a headset-wearing, achievement-whoring, turbo-drifting master. I have purchased 6 games in the last two months. And if there is a time where I am not at school, work, or at my girlfriend's house, I am playing 360....or sleeping....

Or masturbating....

So I already told you what games I got. Now I'm going to give you my completly unbiased opinion on each game, along with how far I have gotten in the game so far. There might be some spoilers, there might be some laughs along the way, hell, you might even learn something. Chances are you'll probably just think I'm a retard nerd with a stupid opinion. Well you'll just have to find out.

Dead Rising
RG's Opinion: Fuck yes you are the best zombie game ever (except maybe for Left 4 Dead "RELOADING"). When I first started playing this game I was pissed at the retarded save system and the even more retardeder (lol, wat) survivor AI. Don't even get me started on that one time I tried to escort 5 chicks at the same time, Jesus Christ. Once I found what weapons worked, where everything was, and how to recharge my camera (it doesn't say anywhere in the instruction book on how to do it) I was having the time of my fucking life. Once I beat it, I actually want to play through it again, so maybe I can get more than 5 people out of the mall and unlock some more wacky shit. Frank West is mai waifu, he's covered wars you know. Also, download the song 'Gone Guru' by Lifeseeker. If you've played the game like, 1/4 of the way through you will probably shit bricks as soon as the song starts playing.

"I DON'T ALLOW VANDALISM IN MY STORE!!!!"

Where Am I?: I'm in overtime mode right now. I nearly shit my pants when I found out I needed to collect 10 fucking queens along with all that other shit. I can't get back to Paradise Plaza to make some sweet life-giving Nectar with getting raped in the ass by Special Forces and helicopters.

Grand Theft Auto IV
RG's Opinion: The first GTA game I ever played was Vice City, and it will probably always be my favorite one out of the series; and the amount of content in San Andreas makes it the best GTA game. They're also the reason why the sequence "R1, R1 O, R2, Up, Down, Up, Down, Up, Down" will be forever be imprinted in my mind. IV is still GTA game, but now it has become a serious and more story based game than the other games. You still can't target a person worth a shit, you can still go to the titty bar and watch virtual women dance around and feel bad about yourself for getting a boner, and you can still kill people and steal cars, but in NEXT GEN HD GRAPHICS. I still laugh every time I hit a person with a car and the crazy rag-doll physics kick in. Some of the stuff on the radio stations and TV stations is fucking hilarious. The cell phone is a good addition but people need to stop fucking calling me. Hay cazhin, let's go bowling.

"I see the woman, I'm talking to the woman, I see the woman's penis, now I'm confused."

Where am I?: The last memorable thing I can remember doing is killing Francis over Derrick, and that I went to go kill that Florian guy but he ended up being a homo and now I'm doing missions for him, because that's what America is really like for immigrants. If Roman dies I will probably be ;_;

BioShock
RG's Opinion: Whenever I play this game, I get the same tingling sensation in my balls as when I play Half-Life. Now this is supposed to be analogy that BioShock is a fucking superior FPS on par with the Half-Life series, and not an allusion that I have some sort of strange new form of epilepsy. Now I know I'm not playing it on a PC, so I don't have the superior control, but I don't mind playing a FPS on a console, and this handles very well. The story is pretty interesting but my favorite part other than the SHOOTAN is the environment. Like Fallout 3, anything with music from the 30's-50's combined with creepy ambiance is fucking awesome, any one who has a differing opinion from mine is a faggot. ololol jk.

"Look Mr. Bubbles, it's an angel"

Where am I?: I just killed Andrew Ryan. I don't know about you, but when the 'would you kindly' thing happened, it blew my mind. It was a like M. Night Shyamalan twist, but it didn't make me fucking rage uncontrollably. Also, I liked spending the majority of my Adam on increasing my maximum health and having fucking CODE YELLOW reduce it.

Halo 3
I still haven't played this yet, good thing I didn't spend any money on this. Maybe someday I'll play it.